She likes me. She likes me not.
You may be plucking away at a plant as you think these thoughts. However, do realize you’re not the only man in the world trying to find the best ways to keep a new girl interested in you.
We get it. Romantic interests fade. From that first ‘match’ or fireworks-at-first-sight moment to those classic butterfly-feels during the initial dates, to those late hours possibly sexting, and more, you now probably feel head-over-heels for the new woman. Yet, is she for you?
Whatever the reason may be for her delayed texts lately, the growing number of unanswered calls, or her abnormally high vagueness in response, it doesn’t necessarily make you the problem. Chances are she may just have other things going on, and in which case, you still have a fighting chance to refuel the flame!
Before diving into our 12 tips on how to best keep a new girl into you, ask yourself if she is worth the extra chase. You shouldn’t have to waste your swooning efforts unless you feel she is the right person for you. And if so, go on with cupid’s arrow!
1. Be Direct With Positive Phrases
“I like you.”
These words were probably among the initial few baby words for many of us and which had passed around easily in kindergarten like a plague. So, how was it so easy to tell this to our class crush, who likely was always picking his or her nose, but never to their grown face?
It is okay to simply be direct at times to your new partner to get your emotions across clearer and quicker, especially regarding your positive feelings. For example, “I am still very much interested in you.”
By reiterating your feelings as clearly as possible to her, even in the early relationship stage, the impact of such plain, direct statements will either relieve her, shock her, cheer her, or a combination. Essentially, she’ll start to ask herself how much she’s still into you, and (assuming she says something right then and there), you’d get quicker feedback. With your directness, it can influence her to be direct back. Thus, saving time and energy to, say, follow the other 11 tips.
Also, being direct with your positive emotions means taking a bit of the lead in this relationship. For example, if you want to see her soon, just directly pop the question out of the blue – “Hi, how are you? Do you wanna hang out today?”
Depending on her answer, you essentially save time from beating around the bush and all the small talks. Plus, we all know a convo starting with “do you have plans this weekend?” doesn’t really mean you care that much about her agenda – unless it involves you.
A new girl may appreciate your direct moves when it comes to telling her how you feel.
2. Let The Little Things Matter
With a new romance, you may be eager to impress her more at the start, such as on the first date. By all means, go ahead. But don’t forget that the simple little things can also be just as memorable and effective in winning her over.
Rather than constantly spoiling her with extravagant gifts or planning expensive nights out, act more on the small details. For example, you recalled her mentioning once that she’d die without honey in her coffee every morning. So, if you’re about to see her and happen to be in the store, pick up a jar of her favorite honey. Or, simply text her if she got home okay after the date.
Depending on the new woman, she may or may not express evident gratitude, but there’s a high chance that your little acts of consideration will naturally seep into the back of her mind. In time, she’ll appreciate the growing number of little things you do for her that keeps her eyes only on you.
3. Don’t Tell-All So Soon
It can be tough not to overshare information about yourself, especially on a first date that is going so well or if you’re wrapped up in a long late-night chat with the new person.
However, keep bits and bits of yourself on the down-low and spread the details of your life throughout trying to know the new woman. You’d want to stay slightly mysteriously, so you can always have her interests piqued.
Otherwise, there probably won’t be much to discuss further down the road for you’ve out-shared yourself, or you end up sharing a very personal detail that could be saved for later. For example, you’re an avid traveler with many interesting life stories to share. You can scatter your most entertaining stories over time by telling her a few each time you see her.
Additionally, if you still deal with the ex over non-romantic issues or have kids, then that’s something worth sharing before ever meeting.
4. Bring In More Meaningful Convos
With being ‘meaningful,’ we’re not necessarily referring to being philosophical, academic, or emotional. A good and meaningful conversation can be over your family, childhood, job, etc. It also doesn’t have to be extensive hours of talks. It’s all about the quality and depth of the topics shared with her.
You can bring more meaning into the new relationship by simply asking more about her. It doesn’t always have to involve scientific debates or for you to become vulnerable. The time bonding with her over small mutual interests is meaningful enough.
Beyond asking questions related to her life to show your care and interest, you can also try relating to some of her problems. In this way, you’re likely able to offer motivational pep talk, inspiration, or practical advice. And it is your positive guidance that will allow her to smile back on and may intrigue her even more, to learn about you.
5. Revive Chivalry
Is chivalry really “dead”? That is for you to prove wrong.
Assuming your mother raised you right, you’d want to frequently go “ladies first” with your new girl to keep her latching onto you. Also, regardless of whether she’s the type to go after ‘bad boys,’ it still shouldn’t deter you from having common decency or basic social etiquette regarding female treatment. Even the bad boys know when to open doors for women, let them go first, or when to help carry their heavy belongings.
Moreover, with our modern times calling on more gender equality, it has more or less affected the traditional norms of men being expected to pay for everything as well as being the first move to ask women out. The Bumble dating app, for example, promotes this ‘women first’ belief and so, males in mostly the western world increasingly see split checks at the bar, if not more offers by women to take the bill.
Depending on how modern-minded or traditional your girl is, it wouldn’t change the fact that males are generally perceived as physically stronger. So, you are still accountable to politely offering her your coat or opening her car door, both of which aren’t usually an issue and can give your granny something to be proud of.
6. Give Her Some Space
Regardless of how much you think you are starting to like the newcomer in your love life, it doesn’t mean you should always make yourself available for her. Instead, it’s much healthier to give the other person both their physical and temporal space.
You’re here trying to find ways to retain her interests in you, which assumes that she has been more or less disengaged with you. In that case, you could directly ask her if something’s wrong (supporting tip 1), offer support, or let her be for a few days at a time.
You can check up on her by texting every other day or leaving some days silent in between communicating from time to time. It shouldn’t make you appear careless to her as you are still keeping in touch but at a reasonable pace. Over time, she may notice and start to miss contact with you, thus potentially reeling back some of her interests in you.
Additionally, video call is always an option. Still, the key is to let one another separately breathe, recollect on our own, and allow the distance to “make the heart grow fonder.” Plus, every time you do see one another again (assuming some days or weeks has passed), it stimulates that new-crush excitement all over again.
7. Listen And Show You’re Listening
As you are beginning to like the new woman more and more, you not only worry about her losing interest in you but will also naturally cater to her every word through attentive listening.
To effectively show you’ve been listening to her as a way to stimulate more of her interest in you, simply restate things she have said in the past. For example, casually point out “Yeah, like you once said…”
Alternatively, she can confide in you one day with her personal challenges. By being there for her is probably enough, even if you weren’t listening as much. But getting her to truly appreciate you, thus maintain interest, will require you to act out on things she has said. For example, she once mentioned a job interview coming up. You can either follow up on it by asking how it went or tell her good luck before it starts.
8. Communicate At A Moderate Pace
Physical space is one thing but temporal distance is another. Whether your new woman is living in another city or has an irregular job that limits her time to see you each week, maintain her interest in you by showing that you’re often thinking of her.
It is commonly done through checking in via texts daily or every other day. Even when you’re both at the point where there’s not much more to talk about, sneak in a “good morning” or “how’s your week going” every once in a while.
In another example, you can also stray from those usual small-talk initiators by randomly just sending her funny videos or memes, especially if they convey a secret joke between the both of you. She also could be up for a few hours of catch-up a few times a week, including video chats.
Otherwise, it can become too much for your new woman and she may end up feeling suffocated by your affection or attention, if anything. So, practice in moderation.
9. Continuously Reassure And Compliment Her
Some women may rarely ask for it but boy, do they all love compliments – or anybody! If you want to hold on longer to the new girl, show her what it is you see in her that makes you want to keep her around.
Words are indeed powerful, my friends, but if they are reassuring ones, then it’s even better. Verbally remind her of why you like her, such as complimenting her looks whenever you two meet or even when she sends you a selfie. Sometimes, without being pushed to do it, you can throw out a compliment all on your own like “Good morning, beautiful” or “How’s it going, sexy?”
We humans love a boost of confidence, especially from those dear to us, and usually the ones who want to be in a relationship are in search of someone who always can make them feel good about themselves.
Lastly, it also doesn’t matter whether you think she already knows how great she is. The key is to remind or reassure her of your positive feelings on a daily or weekly basis. Otherwise, weeks to months of little to no flattering may lead to her suspicions that you’re the one who is no longer interested in her.
10. Take Over For Cupid Every Once In A While
Most men would think that in order to keep a gal at bay, he’d have to constantly romanatize her. Depending on the individual female, constantly lathering her with gifts may smother her. Even more so, calling her daily and unexpectedly or repeatedly whenever you’re not hearing from her may make you appear too needy.
Generally, women like a man who is balanced between being vulnerable and dominant. It could be interesting to ask her which of the five love languages does she value the most. Then, you’d get a feel of what type of affection she prefers.
For example, if she derives more joy out of receiving gifts, then you’d know that no matter what you get her – big or small (yet meaningful) – and for any random (or even make-believe) occasion, she’ll likely be more into you.
Alternatively, if physical touch is a love language that she values the most, then plan a romantic evening in bed where you surprise her every now and then with candles and rose petals. Yet, sometimes the idea of romance can be a simple stroll under the starry city skylines while sharing a box of pizza. Hence, the language of quality time.
Some women are sharing among their girlfriends that if they want to be respected by men, they should apply the 90-days rule. Basically, no sex until after a certain number of time. In turn, this keeps the man ‘chasing’ while getting to know the woman better.
Yet, who says us males can’t apply the same ‘rule’ to women? Women can just as easily become less interested in a man after the first sex.
However, being the highly sexual creature that we are, it is more of a challenge for men to remain sexually abstinent from a woman until “ready.” Although, it is still not impossible.
If you’ve not yet slept with your new potential partner, consider making her wait a few more dates in or some more weeks out. The challenge of the chase between the two of you grows more enticing while being a bit teasing. You’ll connect with one another more but only on an intellectual and emotional level while gradually increasing the sexual friction. In the process, the both of you are surely engaged with one another and essentially bounded together by the thought of “what if.” Thus, also stirring allure and mystery.
12. Be You
That’s right and you might have seen these two magic words together before. Possibly the best way to keep a new girl interested in you is to mostly focus on being your true self.
Think about it. She is also capable of worrying about how to keep you interested in her. Not to mention, she had seen something in you that she initially liked. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have gone this far with her or the first date wouldn’t have happened.
The possibility of her losing interest in you can still occur but it doesn’t always mean that you’re the problem. She could have regained interest in an ex, found someone new, or is currently handling job stress to family matters.
In any case, if she becomes less interested in you while knowing you have always remained true to who you are, then the new gal is simply not right for you. Not the other way around.